Sometimes knowing no one is reading is actually better...

So I have been working really hard to transform myself into the "me" I always thought I'd be and today it feels like its for nothing. Why am trying so hard when Im not any happier? Im tired of feeling so alone in this giant world of people who buzz around me but never quite see me.

I always pictured myself with a big family full of love and laughter.
I always pictured myself surrounded by my family on holidays.
I always thought I'd have have girlfriends to grab dinner with for no reason at all I always thought my sister would be my best friend.
I always thought I'd be that couple that still walks hand in hand out on walks at night.
But instead...
I have never had a "girls weekend" and probably never will...
My sister and I barely talk let alone be considered friends...
My mom is coming for Thanksgiving because my son begged her to so I would be so lonely...
I find out about my neice and nephew on blogs insstead of phone calls...
And my husband is probably upstairs wishing he'd never met me...

Im trying so hard to be a better me but its not working.

Im just me.