Take the time.

I was driving to work today and I was think about when I was a little kid and how differently I used to view the world. It was an amazing place in my eyes. Everything had a sparkle and was fascinating to me. Now I look on the face of children walking to school, standing on the playground or wherever they happen to be and the have heavy eyes. How did our parents shield us from the ugliness off adulthood and why is my generation failing so miserably at it? I pray my boys know the happiness and innocence of childhood as I did. I pray I can shield them from the ugliness they'll be forced to face soon enough. Maybe if we all joined together and tried to be a little bit more like the generations before us, instead of rebelling against them, we can save our children from the pain of heavy eyes and heavy hearts. But it'll take more then just me or you it'll take a movement. Lets start an occupy wall street for a cause that truly matters...our children and our future. Just a thought...

Sometimes knowing no one is reading is actually better...

So I have been working really hard to transform myself into the "me" I always thought I'd be and today it feels like its for nothing. Why am trying so hard when Im not any happier? Im tired of feeling so alone in this giant world of people who buzz around me but never quite see me.

I always pictured myself with a big family full of love and laughter.
I always pictured myself surrounded by my family on holidays.
I always thought I'd have have girlfriends to grab dinner with for no reason at all I always thought my sister would be my best friend.
I always thought I'd be that couple that still walks hand in hand out on walks at night.
But instead...
I have never had a "girls weekend" and probably never will...
My sister and I barely talk let alone be considered friends...
My mom is coming for Thanksgiving because my son begged her to so I would be so lonely...
I find out about my neice and nephew on blogs insstead of phone calls...
And my husband is probably upstairs wishing he'd never met me...

Im trying so hard to be a better me but its not working.

Im just me.